The Why Behind the What: Cameras, Community, and the Stewardship of Memory

Recently, I found myself deep down rabbit hole comparing cameras, gimbals, flying cameras, drones, batteries, storage drives, and enough accessories to make my Amazon cart question all my life choices.

I was preparing myself for Amazon prime day and the competing sales that pop up (I did find something good before and it ended up even better later but that’s another post for later🤓😉).

At first glance, it could have looked like I was trying to decide what new thing to buy next just buy something🫠.

But somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn’t really thinking about the cameras at all.

One of my latest purchases🙃

As a whole, I was contemplating about stewardship.

Growing up, my Mommy has always told me:

“Know the why behind the what.”

That lesson has stayed with me my entire life.

Not only did I grow up in the church, my Daddy was faithful in his service to his church until right before he passed. It’s wasn’t lost on me what leadership and stewardship meant from a young age so I have been around that word a long time.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that many of our decisions become clearer when we understand the reasoning behind them. That purchase. Those goals. The dream you have. That project. The journey. The what is easy to see. That why usually takes a little more digging.

For a while, I thought I was simply becoming a content creator.

Trying my hand at cinematic video at the Metro

But that’s not exactly all of it.

What actually excites me isn’t the cameras themselves. It’s the vessel that allows me to capture and preserve Us.

The laughter.

The conversations.

The rides.

The gatherings.

The everyday moments that seem ordinary today but become a part of history tomorrow.

As a Black woman born and raised in and around the Washington, DC area, I’ve watched neighborhoods shift and change; people come and go; traditions evolve or evaporate; and communities continue to create joy in spite of every challenge placed before them.

I have also seen communties uprooted and eradicated and only the memories and photographies in someone’s grandmother’s home hold what used to be but will never be no more.

So much of our story gets told by other people.

So much of our history gets reduced to headlines.

So much of our humanity gets flattened into stereotypes.

But when you document your own community from the inside, something different happens.

You preserve the feelings.

Not just what happened.

But what it felt like to be there.

What it felt like to laugh with friends.

What it felt like to ride through the city.

What it felt like to gather, celebrate, and simply exist. Just be.

That’s why I became excited about documenting Stunt Sundays, community events, DC culture, family moments, and everyday regular boring life.

Not because every moment is extraordinary.

But because ordinary moments become extraordinary with time.

One day, my children and their children may watch these videos.

I want them to see how we lived.

How we spoke.

How we dressed.

How we gathered.

How we loved.

How we built community.

All this thinking made me realize that documentation itself can be another form of stewardship.

Not just stewardship of money.

Or property.

But stewardship of memory.

Stewardship of culture.

Stewardship of connection.

Stewardship of legacy.

The cameras are simply the vehicle for the feelings.

The real goal is preserving our presence and our essence.

And that’s my whys behind my what.

EssieB in stxingkai font

Boundaries Will Always Highlight What Was There

There’s a version of love that looks like loyalty, patience, and holding on… even when things aren’t really changing. And then there’s the version that comes after growth. The kind that forces you to look at things differently—even when you don’t want to. Lately, I’ve had to sit more and more in that space.

There’s a cycle I haven’t seen anybody really talking about. There’s something that happens in relationships where change shows up… but it doesn’t take hold. It can feel real in the moment. It actually gives you hope. It makes you believe things can be different this time around. And then, slowly or sometimes not even slowly, things fall right back into the same patterns. And for a long time, I have accepted that as part of actually loving someone.

Over time, I started doing real work on myself. I can’t change anyone else but ME (ME vs ME). Not some surface-level “I’m good” energy. It was real self-reflection, growth, and accountability. Out of that, two things shifted in me that I just can’t ignore anymore. I learned how to genuinely, fully fall in love with myself. I also started learning how to set boundaries and keep those boundaries. I’m still a work in progress on both, especially boundaries. If I’m being real; that part is the hardest. But even being a work in progress changed how I show up.

When I changed, the dynamic changed. The biggest shift wasn’t loud or bold. It was subtle and quiet. It felt like peace in the midst of a storm. I just stopped overextending myself. I definitely stopped excusing things the same way. I stopped bending myself to keep any type of peace. And because of all of that, the dynamic has changed. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and energetically. There is definitely less access. I have way less automatic availability. Less of me is showing up in ways that before only worked for them but at my expense.

Things became clear in a way I just can’t ignore anymore. Because once I stopped carrying what I used to carry, it has exposed what had been there all along. The patterns didn’t actually stop and “change” isn’t staying consistent. The difference was I could see it and acknowledge now. And once you see something clear as day, you just can’t unsee it.

There is a hard truth that I have to reconcile. Here’s the part that doesn’t get talked about and loud enough is: Love can still be there, and it still might not be enough. There can be history. There can be real connection. There can be even be major effort. And yet, if the behavior doesn’t truly change, you end up stuck in a loop instead of a relationship. Replaying the same ole dynamics as before, hoping for different results. That is literally the definition of insanity. Recognizing all this of this doesn’t make you bad or cold. Even if it gets painted that way. It does however make you honest, to myself and to others.

So where I am right now is I don’t have a perfect ending to tie this up. I’m still navigating what this actually looks like in real time. But I do know this: I just can’t go back to who I was then, just to make something feel comfortable again. Growth doesn’t always feel good or look beautiful. Sometimes it feels like a loss. Sometimes it feels like confusion. Sometimes it feels like standing in the middle of something you haven’t fully walked away from… but just can’t fully settle back into either.

If you’ve ever been in that space, you know and get me. And if you’re there right now, just know this: You’re not wrong for seeing things clearly, no matter if that’s all you are told. And you’re not wrong for needing something different once you do.

It is what it is.

EssieB in stxingkai font

I Didn’t Believe But Now I Do: My Peptide Origin Arc

I started my journey into peptides aka “peppers” in March 2025, March 1st to be exact. It was after a conversation with my eldest sister at Christmas about her starting her journey on Ozempic aka “Ozzy”. She said her doctor had told her she needed it and how it would help her insulin resistance. I was just listening and open to change at that time. Even though I was taking my thyroid meds as directed, I was still floundering and in pain.

I was against any weight loss meds initially. When the commercials came out, it didn’t help me see the medicines as a choice. Also, all the media references and negative spins on who was on it and who wasn’t were in my mind too. Add to that I had tried losing weight naturally by diet and walking as I had done in my younger years, way before my hormones/organ betrayed me. Then, hearing of “Ozempic” face as a constant thing on blogs and in the news; it definitely molded and shaped my objective stance. But once I started talking to my big sis and heard her thoughts, it opened my mind to do more research.

My research led to me talking to my endo; who previously had recommended weight loss drugs and was happy to do a recommendation for it through insurance at that time. By this appointment though, when I was comfortable asking for the medicine, insurance wasn’t approving anyone for coverage and co-pays🙃. That led to me having to find a way to self pay and get it myself. After going to the direct source of the meds by way of big pharma/ patent holder company, I was able to find out I could pay out of my own pockets monthly if my doctor ordered it directly through them. Ordering the meds directly was a learning curve for both my doctor and myself but I managed to get on Zepbound but I’m calling it “Jetbound”. 

Let me back up on what I chose and why. I researched “Ozzy” and I also researched “Jetbound”. Ozzy works on one pathway in our body while Jet works on two. “Why choose one way when I can take two” was my line of thinking and so I chose Jet. 

Getting more into the science stuff and remembering my chemistry from 10th grade, it threw me into learning and expanding my medical layman’s knowledge. This helped me to advocate for myself with my primary and my endo. 

Here’s where things shifted:

I was swinging the costs until I just couldn’t. Originally, I had to rob Peter to pay Paul for my monthly starting doses. I am extremely active on Reddit. It’s where I first stumbled across the name brand’s subreddit. From there and after reading a lot on that board, if I remember correctly, I then went to Tirzepatide aka “Trizzy” Compound boards.

After that, I was off to the races!

I made a bunch of silly decisions or mistakes and will detail that another day but I wouldn’t trade the journey for nothing!

When I say I took photos on first dose day as well as my weight, I was shocked and surprised by what I looked like and weighed. [Insert pics of that day & my starting weight].

It was the heaviest I have ever measured myself and I was struggling. I actually lost a few pounds right before but it just wasn’t enough. Not to mention I was inflamed, bloated and in all types of aching pain. My thyroid was fighting me and it was winning. Or, rather my body was fighting with itself and it was not a lovely feeling. After taking the first shot, it might have been a placebo effect but my joints in my hands felt so much better. I could open and close them without my hands locking up. It had gotten to the point where I couldn’t braid or twist my hair any longer. Also, my arms had on and off feelings of pins and needles, most of the time. I was only 40! Not to mention my insulin resistance and how prediabetes was affecting my whole body. From my eyesight being the worst it has ever been in my life due to sugar. Add to that mysterious bruises appearing on my body, and my cuts not healing as quick as they used to. I was just ready for change and this did it. 

Has this ride been smooth sailing? Heck nope! I started March 1st and went on a girls trip in mid-April. Guess who learned the hardest way alcohol won’t mix with these meds? This girlie🙋🏾‍♀️. Had a day or so in my room enjoying the porcelain throne a lot more than I should have been in Jamaica. 🙃🤪

I have had plenty more slip ups or learning lessons but won’t give them all away in one post because then, what else would you tune back in for? 😏😉

So stay tuned, because I have so much more to say and share about my journey so far. Especially for folks who look like me🫶🏾. I am ready to share and know I’m not the only woman, momma who wants to feel better but may not know where to turn. 

This is now. 60lbs down🎉🎉🎉
Almost a year on this journey!🥳🎉🔥

I’ve sustained my Temple. Are you ready to sustain yours?

EssieB in stxingkai font

Love Essie B in DC