Woman considering routine stability or adventurous travel with family versus solo in Paris

This Was a Reminder I Needed, Not Even Gonna Lie

The referenced 90s clip

While I know she’s an actress and it’s giving very much 90s infomercial energy 🥴🥴… I’m not even gonna lie, what he said still hit me.

Because for me, it really made me think about how many times I’ve stopped myself before anything even had a chance to happen. Not because I couldn’t do it, but because I already decided in my head how it might go… or how it might not go.

I’ve realized I do that more than I want to admit. I’ll think about the possibility of rejection, or something not working out, and instead of just trying, I pause… or I don’t move at all. And then nothing happens, but it’s not because it wasn’t possible—it’s because I never gave it an actual opportunity.

And after watching this clip, it kinda sits with me differently now.

I was raised on faith, so “faith without works is dead” has always been something I’ve known. Same with “we have not because we ask not.” But knowing it and actually living it are two different things. I can say I believe something all day, but if I’m not moving, if I’m not asking, if I’m not trying… then what am I really doing?

A lot of times, I’ve been the one in my own way. Not anybody else. Just me. My thoughts, my hesitation, my overthinking.

And I don’t say that in a negative way… I’m just being honest.

So for me, this was really just a reminder. Not even anything deep or complicated. Just a simple check like… stop talking yourself out of things before you even try.

I’m still working on that. Probably always will be.

But yeah… it hit.

Credits

Shout-out to Tsvetta Kaleynska (www.youtube.com/@tsvetta) for this clip and giving me a nostalgic but needed flashback.

EssieB in stxingkai font

I Own My Health Journey. Period.

I’ve been thinking a lot about ownership.

Not the trendy kind. Not the “everybody on TikTok doing it so now I’m doing it” kind.

I mean real ownership. Of my health. Of my body. Of my mind. Of my spirit.

Because if I’m being honest, a lot of what’s missing in health and wellness conversations is agency.

It’s always:
You should do this.
You shouldn’t do that.
That’s dangerous.
That’s the only way.

But rarely do we talk about process. About asking questions. About understanding what’s happening in your own body and deciding how you want to respond.

For me, that’s what this wellness journey is all about.

It’s Not Either/Or

I’m not anti-doctor.
I go to my annual physicals and follow ups.
I take my ADHD meds and see the difference it can make.
I believe in pharmaceutical medicine that’s been developed and tested.

And I also believe in the assistance of peptides.
And supplements.
And lab work. Whether through a Doctor or on my own.


And paying attention to patterns.
And adjusting lifestyle.
And using tools strategically.

All of it can coexist.

It doesn’t have to be one camp versus the other. That’s just silly to me.

Health is a puzzle. And I refuse to pretend one piece is the whole picture.

Accountability Feels Different Than Fear

I don’t talk about what I use because I think I’m a guru.

I talk about it because I believe in accountability.

I want to understand why I feel the way I feel.
I want to see my labs.
I want to track patterns.
I want to ask, “Is this working?”
And if it’s not? I pivot.

That’s ownership.

Not rebellion. Not ego. Not trying to outsmart medicine.

Partnership.

Informed partnership.

This Is Bigger Than Me

Working through this with my son made it even more real.

He’s a teenager. On the spectrum. Dealing with vitamin D deficiency that’s showing up in his A1C.

I don’t just want to manage his health for him.

I want him to grow into someone who can say:
“I don’t like how I feel.”
“Something feels off.”
“What can I adjust?”

That’s power.

Especially for our kids.
Especially for Black kids.
Especially for boys who aren’t always encouraged to articulate what’s happening internally.

Ownership is a definite form of self-trust.

And Yes, It Matters That I Look Like Me

I also talk about this because someone who looks like me should be visible in these conversations.

We’re often told what to do with our bodies.
We’re often dismissed.
We’re often under-informed.
We’re often over-prescribed.
We’re often under-heard.

So yes, I’m going to ask questions.
Yes, I’m going to explore options.
Yes, I’m going to use peptides and prescriptions if needed.
And, Yes, I’m going to advocate.

Because my health is not a trend.
It’s not content.
It’s not rebellion.

It’s responsibility.

That’s my why.

EssieB in stxingkai font

Today is my birthday!!!!!!!

I am 41, and I am beyond happy, joyous and at peace with where my life is now. Also, I am at peace with where I am going and what I am doing in my life. It only gets better from here, but no matter what, I am loving the journey!

EssieB in stxingkai font